I was in a "dangerously ill" condition in intensive care. My parents were told by doctors that I may not survive and that I certainly wouldn't work again. I am also now infertile, and I was not before my accident, but I never received any compensation for this because a doctor said my infertility may have been caused by a pre-existing problem. I don't believe this.

An Accident?
I went to Uni when I left school, and I did really well. I got my first degree - a Bachelor of Arts majoring in government and economics- by the time I was 20. Igot an honours degree in Government by the time I was 21. My honours thesis was on the impact of social welfare policies on poor people, espcially migrants, low paid workers, and women.

Then I started on a PhD. My topic was an Australian industrial dispute, called the SEQEB strike. It was the biggest strike in my state's history, and it happened in 1985. Our whole state had electricity blackouts for three weeks. You can imagine how significant that is . the whole state losing electricity for three weeks!

The SEQEB strike was a really important event in our community. People's lives were changed forever by it. Anyway, I decided to write the inside story of it.

Maybe that was the worst mistake I ever made. I don't know.

I decided to tell the truth about what had really happened. This meant exposing a lot of the corruption that lay at the heart of the dispute. I decided to expose how millions of dollars had been misappropriated. And I started asking a lot of influential people some very difficult questions. And that's when the death threats started.

I was flown to Canberra, the national capital, and spoke to the Senate about what I had found out. Our major newspapers published stories about what I had said. Some people were very afraid of what I was going to say in the book.

I hoped that by going public, including naming some of the people who had threatened me, I would be safe.

My book was due to come out in about a month. And within three weeks I was run over.

I had known someone at Uni who went on to be a lawyer. So when I was run over, I went to see him. His firm took on the case, but within three weeks, he left the firm. I was passed from one lawyer to another - eight times.

These lawyers refused to allow me to go public about what had happened. They said that it might seem like I was paranoid. It could have just been an accident, they said. And they said that if I made outlandish claims, then it might seem like I had little credibility when my personal injury claim came up for trial. So no-one was ever charged with running me over.

And I guess I'll never know if it was an accident or not.

So what has this meant to me?

The negatives
As a result of my accident, my employment opportunities have been seriously affected, my income has fallen dramatically, my circle of friends has shrunk, my chances of having children naturally with my wife have basically gone and I have learnt to live with stigma. As a result of my brain injury alone, I have experienced memory, mobility, communication and balance problems, disinhibition, headaches, depression, mood swings and rigid thinking. A section of my radius was cut out and my radius and ulna were fused, causing chronic pain and weakness to the area. I live with chronic pain every day of my life, as well as headaches and dizzy spells. As a result of my dizzy spells, I have fallen on innumerable occasions and my worst injuries from these falls have been broken ribs and a broken wrist. I walk a lot less now and I have put on a lot of weight.

I'm not going to lie to you. In some respects my accident was the worst thing that ever happened in my life. It's tough when you're always going to the shops to buy one thing and coming home with another. Or when you get lost even in the most familiar surroundings. Or when your memory is always letting you down, so you're always forgetting people's names, and you struggle to remember the phone numbers you dial most often. And its exhausting when you're always getting lost, or bumping into things and having little accidents. It's so frustrating when you would really like to do something, but you get so fatigued by your head injury, you have to give up almost as soon as you've begun. Or when you are searching for a word in your brain, and the word that comes out is nothing like the one you meant. And its tough when your "friends" abandon you because they don't feel comfortable around you anymore. And its especially difficult when you are trying to develop a whole new concept of yourself and you can't understand all the changes and your moods are constantly changing. You are so vulnerable after a brian injury.

I now never discuss politics, in fact I hardly ever discuss anything serious at all. I don't read the newspapers and I hardly watch tv. I will talk about brain injury, but not about anything else that is serious. And I mainly talk about brain injury and recovery, and ways to deal with the challenges of a head injury, because it has become so important to my life.

The positives
But I try not to have an unbalanced view life after a someone with a brain injury. I'm writing this because I am a survivor. Not a victim, a survivor. Nearly dying has taught me many lessons about how to live. It completely changed my character. I know that I am more appreciative of pretty flowers, a lovely sunset, or even a quiet day at home than I ever was before my accident. I also have a much clearer perspective of what matters to me and I try to make the most of the time that I have. My relationships with my wife, my friends and my family are so much more important than ever before. I also share my feelings openly and honestly with everyone and I laugh a lot more often now. I am at peace with myself and the world. Without my brain injury, these changes may not have occurred.

I was lucky!
I can remember telling someone how I'd been run over by a courier van and then thinking about what could have happened and saying "I guess I was lucky". He nearly fell over laughing. But I still believe that. It was not my time to die - I wanted to live and I did. And that was my first step towards recovery. My accident was in many ways the best thing that has happened to me. Because of the accident, I learnt to appreciate the little things in life, to relate to people on a much deeper level, to value my remaining friendships more and to develop much better coping strategies. I found that whenever anyone I knew was going through tough times, I could offer them support, hope, inspiration and practical coping suggestions. I also learnt the joy of mixing with other disabled people, sharing personal stories, and relating on a deeply personal level. I have been fortunate enough to meet many other people with disabilities who have similar challenges and triumphs.

Some milestones on my road to recovery

Milestone Number 1
I was lying on the ground writhing in agoy when I got run over, and just before I blacked out, I remember telling myself "I am not going to die. There are too many things that I still have to do". I concentrated on my breathing, trying to get as much air in my lungs as I could, before a man ran up to me. He said "I know CPR" and he rolled me on to my side. Straight onto my punctured lung. My mouth was filled with blood and I couldn't talk. I had no air. I remember writhing in pain, and blood pouring out everywhere. I still told myself, "Don't die". And then I lost consciousness. I see that as a major milestone on the road to recovery. I wanted to live.

Milestone Number 2
My friends all abandoned me after my accident. I went for about 4 years without having any social contact or support basically. My family basically distanced itself from me too. This was incredibly draining emotionally. I got so depressed beforehand I seriously thought about taking my own life. I just couldn't see the point of continuing with so little support, so little hapiness, etc.

And then I met Jenny, who later became my wife. In lots of ways, you could say Jenny saved me. When I met her I liked the way she was a very happy woman. She could always see the bright side, the positives, and overlooked the negatives. For me, this was like manna from heaven.

Even after I met Jenny though, I still went for a long time without making any friends. My dog Wally was probably the second closest to me after Jenny. It is only in the last year or so that I have made more friends.

I have learnt a lot from Jenny. And likewise, she tells me I have been very good for her, because I am very supportive, considerate, and supportive. So our marriage was certainly a highlight of my life.

The photo I have scanned in was taken on Feb.22, 1997. It was about 5 years after my accident.

Milestone Number Three
One of my best achievements since my accident was to write a musical play. It was a comedy called "Dating is Dangerous" and it was performed to sellout audiences in Brisbane at API Theatre in November-December 1998. This is how I came to write the play...I was sitting at home, not working, not going out much, and I wanted to cheer myself up and give myself something to do. So I took up song writing because I found it a really expressive and creative past-time. I had been feeling down so I also decided to write a really fun story that made me laugh and be happy. I set about writing one song at a time, and one scene at a time, on the days when I was well enough to work. I continued this for about a year and a half. I wasn't working at all in this time (1996-1998).Writing songs was a challenge because my head injury meant that I couldn't remember what I was playing when I made something up. I got a special computer program that recorded everything I played and then printed it out as music. Then I had a permanent record and I could work on the songs more. In the end, I was the author, song-writer and musical director of the show and audiences loved it. (So did I). I really appreciated writing the musical because it showed me the importance of having a dream and slowly working towards achieving it.What I'm doing nowOver the last year or two, I have thrown myself energetically into working with other brain injury survivors. I really get a lot out of this. I have learnt more about myself and feel that I am helping people with a brain injury to have better lives. I went back to Uni at the start of the year to do a PhD on brain injury.

I just get to read about brain injury, listen to other survivors, and think about how our nijuries have effected us. I don't have to take any classes. I can be flexible about when I come in to Uni and when I don't.

In my local area, I have been working with brain injury survivors to make the Government and service providers more responsive to our needs. I have helped establish BIG, (Brain Injury Group) a local group of survivors which is just starting to meet. We are going to write our stories up and make a booklet. We hope that the booklet will help our families and friends understand what we've gone through. And we also are going to identify lots of areas where the government hasn't addressed the needs of brain injury survivors. For instance, we are complaining about the way many young people with a brain injury are inappropriately put in old aged homes for the rest of their lives. Because the government hasn't developed more appropriate accomodation options, some people as young as 17 are placed in these old aged homes and never given a chance to live in the community. We just say that this situation has got to change.

Anyway, I wish you all well with your own personal journeys to recovery.

Email Mark