I don’t remember anything about the accident although apparently I was taken to Selly Oak by helicopter – the helicopter pilot came in to visit me later on. I was in a coma in intensive care for approximately two weeks and when I woke up I could only move one finger. I was shocked, but there was hope because something was moving. But I didn’t know what to do, how I would manage, what I would do with my life.
I was moved to a trauma ward and gradually came out of my coma. Movement slowly returned to by limbs, I could squeeze my left hand first, but my face was still quite numb. I communicated by pointing to a sheet of letters and spelling out words. But my mind worked faster than my fingers could spell which was very frustrating. Even so, the people who I was ‘talking’ to sometimes found it hard to keep up.When I came into Hillcrest I was on a flat bed and people would wheel me about, but the physios were good, they made me move more and got me going. In rehab the physios have to push you – they know what it takes.
At first I couldn’t speak properly, I thought I was saying something but I knew other people couldn’t understand me. I thought ‘bloody hell’. I knew what I wanted to say but the words came out wrong. It was very frightening and I thought ‘what can I do?’ I had a typed card to give to new people that I met, it said: ‘please remember I am not deaf or stupid, so put yourself in my place. I have trouble with talking, seeing clearly, balance, swallowing, fatigue. All this is the result of a cycling road accident in June 99. Thank you’. I inadvertently bit my tongue and cheek, but that’s better now, speech and language therapy helped and I worked at it myself. Ironically the hardest word for me to say is speech therapist! But I try really hard; there’s no physio or speech therapy where I live now but I try to keep up with it myself. I started to use a wheelchair when I was in Hillcrest, I tried to race in the chair, tired myself out, as if I was in a cycle race.
At first I didn’t realise my life had changed – I thought I’d get better and go home. It took me a long time to realise things would be different and only now do I recognise that everything has changed forever. Everyone has to adapt in their own way – you have to realise that you’re the same person as before but also that you’re not. There’s a contradiction in your life and you have to live with that.
My family have helped me, my daughters Rachel and Sarah and my wife; my sisters and my brother. They must have found it hard at first, but they’ve been great. I have a lot of problems which are ‘small’ in themselves, but all together they add up. It wouldn’t be so bad if there were only one problem.
My coping strategies have definitely been other people; other patients because everyone has their moments of sadness. In hospital patients need to talk to each other, to say ‘how are you?’. People would answer ‘OK’ when I asked but I knew they weren’t, so I’d touch them, reassure them. I made good friends in Hillcrest and have photos of them all.
Now I have small goals as well as big ones. A friend has made me a 3 wheel bike that I’m learning to pedal. There are people who’ve had similar injuries to me who can do it, so I’m going to keep trying. I hope to be able to ride a bike again but it’ll be different, now, I know that. I need to keep doing physio – the thought of getting on my bike again keeps me going. I want to go up the hills. I’d like to go to Cuba – I like the music – or Jamaica. I also want to be more independent. I can put the music and TV I like on for myself now, make those choices. I use the computer for email and newsgroups. There’s Audaxuk which is a long-distance cycling newsgroup and TBIchat for people who’ve had traumatic brain injuries – it does help to talk to people with the same problems. And email is good for keeping in touch with my family.
I’m eagerly looking forward to the days when I can speak, eat and drink with no problems. As well as ride my bike!
Email Roger
