I was sitting, holding my head against the head rest, I would not take my hand away, a man was at my door. My seat belt was pulled out, it did not hold me. I did not know I had hit the window. I just knew that I had to hold my head and not move.

Down the block was my one of my son's friend's houses. I told someone my phone number and to call my other son, tell him to call my boss. I asked if someone would go to that house, get my son's friend's mom.

My son and a few of his friends had just walked out of that house, looked down at the wreck and continued walking home, they did not go look at the wreck.unusual for them.

I remember talking to that man, he stayed with me. The ambulance came.I was not seeing to well.I remember something about a board and taking me out, something was put around my neck.I could not see anything.I felt someone pulling at my clothes, lifting me.I heard someone calling "Linda, Linda". I remember asking "who is that?" "It is Julie", I could not see her, I could not see anything. I asked her to go get my sons.

I was being put in the ambulance, I remember a bump, I was inside, something was tight on my head, holding it down, then, it felt as if my feet were going over my head, I was going in a circle.

I could see two women, it was blurry and hard to make them out and I was in a room. Finally I got vision. I called my sister, my sons got there. One of my son's friends and his dad came, they saw my car being towed and drove directly to the hospital.

I have no time frame, my friend and her husband came.he took the boys to eat.the hospital let me go about 3 hours later.no x-rays.my forehead looked like I belonged on Star Wars. My whole forehead stuck out about 1/2-1 inch, I had a huge bump above my right eye, it was half in my hair and half on my face.

That night, my left ear was hurting me in a way I had not felt. I called the hospital, I had to go in. They finally did a cat scan. I was there for five hours. There was a 7 car wreck just before I got to the hospital, a 15 yr old girl was killed

Anyway, the next morning, I looked in the mirror and yelled about what I saw.black eyes, cheeks, swollen.

I am blessed, I did not go through the window, but just the same I was injured and did not realize the extent.

Like many others, dizzy and being 24 hours sick to my stomach became part of my life, messing up words, calling things the wrong thing, no sleep, headaches.

It has been 8 and a 1/2 months now, and I have short term memory loss, can not remember what I read, have vestibular problems, my vision has gotten worse, lots of noise, sounds, lights, motion, the mall, places with lots of "stuff", and some more all affect me. The doctor told me that it will be about one to two years before my left ear balance heals.

Trying to make sense out of wondering about the "wait and see" part of this brain injury is hard. Not knowing if things will come back or not. I was starting my own business, teaching beginning sewing. I had went to classes and was certified to teach. Now, it is as if sewing was never a part of my life. There is not desire to sew and I have sewn since I was 10. I can sew, for a few minuets, it is hard to focus my vision, the noise, it is hard to explain. I get a headache. So far, I can not walk into the fabric store and visualize a certain print of fabric being made into something like I used to do.something is missing.

Following recipes.well, something is not doing what it is supposed to do.

Things have most certainly changed in my life.

The biggest things I have had to deal with are patience, taking care of me. I am a single mom, my children range from 26-6(the 6 yr. old I just adopted, he has been with us since 8 months old, I have 3 grandchildren 2 months to 3 yrs old). I am 50, was busy, active, did lots with the kids, always have lots of kids at my house.and now.

It is hard. People do not understand brain injury and just because I look fine on the outside, I am still the same old me?, can do the same things, they do not understand.

My second child, James was killed in a car wreck, 9-1-78---9-4-94, he died from a head injury, his brain stem was crushed, his girlfriend's mom was driving, two others were killed too. I have talked at his high school driver's ed classes for 6 and 1/2 years about his life, the wreck.I always tell the kids that when they left to tell those that are there, "I love you", because you never know if you or they will be there when you get back. I tell them to forgive, that they can make it through anything, do not give up.

All that I told them, I believe that, and now, if I speak again, I have my TBI to include with James' story.

Now that I have this brain injury, I just do not know what to write. Having child die in a wreck, then to be injured myself in a wreck and have TBI.

For me, before the wreck, life was hectic. I was stressed, had lots of projects going, working on my house slowly (I do the work myself, bits of remodeling), never seeming to really accomplish what I needed to do, and now.I am going to have to live by my daytimer, a list of to do's, I guess that parts of my life are going to get in order now and it would not have been my choice to do it this way.

All the things that I had going has not been finished and it is alright. I was put in the position of "STOP". Now, my days are spent on taking care of myself and my sons who are at home, being a mom, and healing. My thoughts about my life, well, if I do write them down, they vanish. I can type, but writing by hand does not go to well for now.

I know it is by the grace of God that I have made it this far, He has been with me through all the traumatic things I have been through, things I did not write about, and He will see me through the tomorrows of my life.

I have always loved to look at the sunsets, I like flowers, the ocean, kids, and now, once more a traumatic event has brought me back to the one day at a time.

Changes will always happen, and what I choose to do with the changes is up to me. I have always looked for the positive and hopefully always will. May your day be blessed.

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