I was born in Germany and was 6 months old when I arrived in Australia. I live in a country town near Melbourne. I spent a few years in Melbourne working in Broadcast radio and then moved back here.

In 1998 my heart went into an irregular rhythm and then apparently stopped for nine minute. In that time I acquired brain damage due to lack of blood supply to my brain.

All I remember is waking in hospital, in critical care, after having been unconscious for quite a while. I could hardly speak, I couldn't walk, and could not eat normal food as I couldn't chew and swallow.

I couldn't recognize many people including family members. I just didn't know them. It must have been terrible for them.

I was told what had happened, and why I couldn't do many things. I found it very frustrating not being able to communicate with any one and many decisions were made with out any input from me. This I found very difficult.

However, I remember thinking at the time, well, I am unable to do for myself so everything will have to be done for me. Life was going to now be handed to me on gold embossed plate with an engraving saying "There Heinz, whatever you want you can have because you have been through so much, just ring this bell."

It was very difficult to accept and see that life doesn't work that way! No one, I feel, will hand you your life, and its needs, on a gold plate no matter what you've been through. This is an on going fact of life I still struggle with.

People will help you to learn how to hold a glass of water when your pride has made you so "dry and thirsty." and all alone.

Four years now down the track the challenges of, not giving up, having to re-learn nearly every thing I once could do, even holding a glass of water and drinking it with out it all dribbling down my face and swallowing it, was the most difficult, frustrating, horrible thing I've ever had to do. I hated it and blamed nearly every one or everything close to me, family, professionally, and friends. If they were justified I really don't know now.

I think now that the biggest struggle has been coming to terms with the many powerful emotions that rose inside of me. I used this web site www.tbihome.org to vent most of my anger and revenge on so many people.

I do regret doing this though it was a very helpful, necessary process I had to use to survive. Thank you all for allowing me that priceless privilege.

Now in the year 2002, I have my own home. Live in it independently. Cook for myself, and have a few very very close meaningful people in my life. I am so fortunate!

It is a struggle sometimes to just go on, and you see many situations with people getting so upset with each other and think gee, that is no longer important to me and I get a bit sad.

I am just glad to be "me" again. Even though some things have passed away now beyond my reach and impossible for me to ever have back again.

Heinz Baytala. 11/8/2002