The Day I Became A Caregiver For My Husband
It happened to me on May15,1994, when my husband, Bob, then 52, had a massive heart attack and stroke.

In the morning he got out of bed before I did, went to our oldest son's room to get a cigarette from him, and then went outside to smoke. I got up few minutes later, went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, and while I was doing that I suddenly realized that things were unusually quiet.

I walked around inside the house and, looking through the dining room window, saw Bob lying on the patio. I rushed outside and called to him,"Bob, are you all right?" He didn't respond. I put my hand under his nose and on his mouth and felt no breath. Then I checked his chest. There was no heartbeat.

I rushed inside, grabbed the telephone and dialed 9-1-1. I said my husband has had a heart attack. How do you know he's had a heart attack? I said because he's laying out on the back patio, I called to him and there's no answer. I put my hand on his chest and there's no heart beat, I put my hand on his nose and mouth and there's no breath. She said whats tour address? I gave it to her. So she gave it to dispatch, then she ask me if I knew c.p.r.? I said no, and she said your about to get a crash course. I thought to myself "oh my god what are my going to do." And then I went to the other room where our son Don sleeps and yelled to him, "dads had a heart attack, dads had a heart attack! He was still in bed, so he says what? He looks up and he sees I've got the phone in hand. So he gets up to do c.p.r. with her help on the phone, the classes came back to him.

Then the paramedics got there and took over, and while they were working, the chief come over to me and said, as you can see these men working on your husband are professionals and there having a hard time getting his heart started, he might not make it. He told my son, you better go stand by your mom she's not doing too good.

They finally got it started and put him in the ambulance, and took him to the St. Francis Hospital in Federal Way Washington. My neighbor lady took me to the hospital, the fire chief said I was in no condition to drive.

When I walked into the hospital, they were just hooking Bob up to various tubes and instruments. The nurse told me,"I've got some good news and I've got some bad news. The good news is that he's breathing on his own. The bad news is he's still in a coma." While they transferred him upstairs I went home and checked on things. It was about time for his mom and brother to get here from Oregon so I drove my car back and waited for them. It was a wierd feeling sitting there not knowing if he would ever wake up

His family got there and his brother Bill talked to the nurses and they said if he come out of this he would be a vegetable. We all went to my house, and the neighbor lady brought over a big kettle of meat and beans for us. They were great neighbors, they have since moved.

The next morning we went to the hospital about 10:30. His mom was talking, she got one of those voices that can be heard. It was just before 11:00a.m. andob woke up. All of a sudden he started pulling this tube and that tube out, his brother said no Bob you have to leave them in. The nurse came in and told him where he was and what happened. He said I want to go home. He'd move his lips but no sound came out.

It was tough going back and forth to the hospital to see him like that. The next morning I went to the hospital myself. I wanted to see if I could figure out what he was trying to say. As the nurses would walk in and out of the room, he would point with his finger and move his lips. I said are thry making to much noise you can't sleep. He nodded yes. So when one of the nurses came in I told her what he said, boy did I get a dirty look from him.

The next morning his oldest brother and wife were there and we all went to see him. The Dr. came in to talk, I introduced him to everyone, including my mom, and the nurse said Mr. Simpson is responding to his wife.

They finally got him moved to Tacoma General Hospital two days later. As time went by he lost all bodily functions. When he was stablized enough he got transferred to Federal Way Convalescent Nursing Home. There he recieved physical,speech and occupational therapy. When he arrived he was wheel chair bound. Three days later he was walking all over, looking for a place to get out to go home. When Bob had his heart attack he was down long enough for his lips and tongue to turn blue. He was suffering from awelling of the brain.

He was in there for three weeks and two days, and I had to be there every day, the ladies that worked behind the desk couldn't get any work done because Bob wouldn't calm down unless I was there.

In the fall of 1994, Bob, now at home, decided that he was going to go hunting. I told him, "You can't go this year; try next year." He said,"you wanna bet," and he proceeded to clean his rifle. Then his mother called and when she learned of Bob's plans, she spoke to him and told him that he couldn't go this year.

His mother's words made a better impression than mine. Bob put his rifle and gun-cleaning kit away. He proceeded to sit on the couch in front of the TV all that winter and the next spring and went into a terrible depression. We learned he was getting the wrong pills, the doctor changed the prescription and Bob was able to come out of it. But his illness has left him with a different personality. (The saying goes they go in a nice guy and come out a terrible personality.) He does a lot of yelling.He's back to his old bad habits.

I went back to doing my old hobbies to keep my sanity. I've gone to many support groups. I go to lunch with my friends. I have a friend that calls me every day. That way I have a conversation with someone. Now it has been 7years since his illness happened and he is regressing. When he goes hunting with his nephew, which is his nephew's mom, which happenes to be the lady Bob went to school with, they were neighbors as kids. Anyway they engage in a conversation when they were teenagers. He doesn't remember when we got married. He remembers things in the past but not the future.

In 1997 I went on a 4 day vacation with my mom and sister to our home town Boise,Idaho. In1998 I took my mom to Colville,Washington to see her sister who is in a nursing home. In 1999 I went with a friend to Victoria,Canada. That was the best one yet I wish we could have stayed longer or I could go again. I need another one.

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