This is what transpired in June of 1996.
Did it REALLY HAPPEN? 
It was four and a half years ago, when I experienced a trauma that transformed my life forever. The first real lucid memory I had was when a doctor asked me (on or about July fifth of 1996) what happened on the fourth of July. This question seemed quite odd, because I did not have any memories of what happened then. With a quizzical look on his face he asked,  You don't remember flipping out?  My mind searched for this scenario, but there was no memory of  flipping out . The doctor further stated that I went mad and had to be tied down to the bed, so I could not injure myself. Nothing about this came to mind, and I thought I was still dreaming. The last clear memory I had was from January of 1996 when I worked at ShopRite on Sixth Avenue in Tacoma. After the doctor asked that question, I snapped to full consciousness. Before then everything appeared ethereal, surrealistic, and I felt like I was still in that state you have in the morning when you are half awake. Deep in my soul I wanted to believe all that had happened to me was just a nightmare, and I would soon wake up to leave the horror behind. Now I look back and accept that period of life as normal to my recovery, because by denying it happened meant I did not have to deal with it psychologically. During the time of my recovery there were many more needs, which were physical that needed my immediate attention. I was fighting for my life. 
When I awoke I felt like I had one foot in the Twilight Zone and the other in reality. This had to be a nightmare, for that moment I was laying in a nursing home: wearing a body brace with tubes in most of my orifices, my stomach full of sutures, and huge metal pins coming from my hips (they hurt like HELL!). This nightmare was the worst I had ever experienced. It could not have happened. The reason why I was there, I did not fully comprehend: I was not in an accident, nor was I sick. 
Memories of what had happened were blocked for about a year and a half after that horrible morning on June 11th in 1996. The lack of a clear recollection led ultimately to increase this tragedy even more so; the assailant was never charged with the crime. Following closely the general coping mechanism's of those who had had a trauma in their lives, I denied it even took place and anyone who came within an earshot of me I would say that none of this was real and I would soon wake up; alas, I never did. The staff at the nursing home and later the rehabilitation unit at the hospital did not push reality upon me. No one did; I am grateful that they let me adjust at my own rate. My life had been stolen from me. 
Looking back, I recall some bits and pieces of the incident before regaining full consciousness at the nursing home. My very first recollection was waking up tied down to the bed. I very vaguely recall that my family was there, but it is to this day a very fuzzy picture. There are little pieces of memory I have that I cannot describe from that time. Several months afterward I learned I had been in a coma for three weeks. 
During that time I went through twenty-one operations. At first the staff at Harborview told my family that I would probably die. Then they said I would be in a coma for the rest of my life, but when I awoke from the coma, they said I would never walk again. These prognoses show they do not really know how the brain works, and probably never will. The brain works mysteriously, because it shielded my emotions until such a time as I could handle them. 
The full memory of what happened that morning on June 11, 1996 will never be known, but over the course of the next year my brain slowly played fragments of memory from that morning which had previously been unavailable to me. The memories came back during flashbacks and nightmares from which I pieced together to form a coherent explanation of what had transpired. 
June 10th of 1996 was a beautiful summer day. The sky was blue, the sun shining and, best of all, it was during Gay Pride month. I was in Seattle for this joyous time. My lover and I spent all day on Capitol Hill, the epicenter of the Gay northwest, partying up a storm. Around midnight we decided we had had enough and were out of cash, so we decided to go home. We were totally blitzed, but that did not stop either of us from drinking more. The more he drank, the more verbally abusive he became. The verbal tongue-lashing that ensued did not last long, because I had to go  worship the porcelain goddess.  For fifteen to twenty minutes I puked my guts out. There was nothing left in my stomach; I brushed my teeth and went into the living room where my lover was sitting quietly. Softly he suggested we go spend time in the Jacuzzi together. This sounded great, but I soon realized that this was a mistake due to it's location- it was located on the roof of the six-story apartment building. 
The early morning was perfect. The air was still warm, I could see stars in the sky and as I gazed across Eliot Bay, the Seattle skyline seemed picture perfect. As we settled into the warmth of the Jacuzzi, a soft, cool breeze drifted over the roof, so we scooted into each arms. This was paradise. This was what romance novels wrote about and what I yearned for, deeply. Little did I know it would soon turn to  Paradise Lost,  Out of nowhere, my lover started to become loud and belligerent towards me, but this did not scare me; because after ten years together I had become accustomed to it. This time was different, because I refused to take the abuse (and I did not want to ruin the luscious moment we just had.) Jumping out of the hot tub, Stepping out of the Jacuzzi I turned towards him to say I was done with this crap. Mistake. Before I could tell him I was leaving he bolted out the tub, grabbed me by the neck, and said in a wicked voice,   You are not going anywhere.  He dragged me over to the low railing that encircled the perimeter of the roof. Struggling to get away from him just seemed to infuriate him even more. Seconds later, with all the strength of a wild man, he flung me over the railing. 
Time and space seemed to stop. There were no sounds. It was perfectly quiet; even the ever-present drone of the freeway was gone. Falling I felt weightless. The skyline of downtown Seattle took on an eerie semblance. I thought to myself,  This is my last memory.  Even though the fall probably only took seconds, it felt like I was in slow motion and the fall took hours. 
Suddenly I heard a horrendous crackling sound all around me and then a jolt of the most unbearable pain shot through to my soul. I felt it for a split second, and then I went numb. 
My first thought after the pain disappeared was how was I going to explain to my mother why I lay in the street naked. I felt embarrassed. Laying there for what seemed like hours (probably twenty minutes), I heard the sound of sirens off in the distance, and I wondered where they were going. Suddenly it hit me that they were coming for me. Trying to cover myself, I soon realized I could not move a muscle, for all I could do was lie there with all my business out there for everyone to see. Horror engulfed my mind. 
The sounds of the diesel motors from the fire engines now were right beside me. The firemen raced over to assess me, and then I heard one of them call for the  shovel.   (Later I learned this was a device used to pick injured people up off of the ground and is designed to lessen any further injury). There were more sirens off in the distance and from the sound; I could tell they were getting closer. As I lay there on the concrete, my body began to shut down. There was a sudden rush of people talking to me, jabbing me with needles, and doing numerous other things I do not recall or care to. Then an ambulance pulled up, and opened the doors to the back of the van. I remember feeling a little excitement; this was going to be my first time riding in an ambulance. My broken body was placed on a backboard, my head and neck immobilized before I was lifted into the van. Trying to see the inside of the ambulance was impossible, because there were just too many people who blocked my line of sight. (Later I was in this same hospital with people who rode there in helicopters, and I felt cheated!). 
With sirens blaring, we rushed to the hospital in what seemed to be a very brief ride. As soon as we arrived, the doors to back of the van were flung open, and I was assaulted by a plethora of people in white. We had just arrived when I vaguely heard someone say,   He's coding! Code Blue!  which is (hospital lingo for saying someone's heart had stopped). 
Above the fracas I watched in morbid disbelief as my body lie dying beneath me and the emergency room staff scurried to resuscitate me. Everything, everyone moved quickly with deliberate action because this melodrama occurred countless times at Harborview. The ensemble reminded me of a precise ballet with all working in perfect unison. The doctors barked orders our to the nurses in authoritarian tones that the nurses followed without thought. In the ambulance the medics placed a manual breathing tube down my throat to which the nurses attached a mechanical respirator to replace the manual one. They move a large red box on wheels next to my body, the doctor says,  250!  and grabs the paddles while the nurse applies conductive jelly to my chest. Watching above I see my body spasm from the jolt of electricity, although the heart monitor remains flat.  300!   the doctor frantically screams. Another voice exasperated,  We re losing him! BP bottoming out! Heart rate is nil! Breathi!
ng has stopped!  Another lighting bolt is sent through my body. Nothing. 
Darkness. Darkness. Dreaded darkness envelops me while I float away from the macabre scene. Blackness. Cold blackness I float through. Ahead of me I see a faint flicker of light. Impulsively I am drawn towards it. 
Warmth enters me as the fog enshrouds everything. There is nothing but an endless haze from the constantly rolling fog. As I gaze enchanted at the fog, there opens a large chasm the depths of which I cannot see, it is obscured by the mist. My eyes spy across the chasm a group of lights. Closely I watch as they form the familiar shapes of my deceased relatives and friends. They wave and smile beckoning me to come to them. I want their presence again, I begin moving towards them, but a light has just appeared in front of me. The light forms a silhouette of a woman. Love, utter, complete, sheer Love embraces my being and my existence. This Love I have always searched for but never found! To this day I still search for it; although, in my soul I know that I will not experience that on this Earth. Characteristics start to shine through; she has red, curly, long, flowing hair. She resembles pictures that I have seen of my mother when she was younger. Her smile melts away any fear !
that I may have felt. She tells me without her voice,  It is not time for you yet. You must go back. You must complete your mission.  Her lips do not move, somehow I just know her words. All I felt was that joyous abundance of Love and finally, happiness. My next thought,  I never want to leave.  Her response,  Your mission is not completed,  prompted a quizzical response from me,  What mission?  I inquired.  You will know once completed.  
 In your soul I have placed guidance for you, but you will have access only when it is needed. From her response this information must be necessary for whatever my mission may be.  What must I do?  I pleaded.  Only afterward you will know   she compassionately expressed to me. 
 There is more time before you must go back. Is there anyplace you would like to visit on Earth?  My mind raced, what did she mean  anyplace that I would like to visit on earth more time? Instantaneously I am in The Forbidden City in China. The goose-stepping changing of the Red Guard was exciting. Tianeman Square was deserted, except for an occasional state security officer. Around the square I saw multitudes of people scurrying down the streets, both on bicycles and on foot. I asked for directions, but the people seemed to not realize I am there and just ignored me going about their business without any thought. I screamed,  Where am I?  No one noticed. I felt alone and before I knew it Rome had entered my mind. 
Saint Peter's square was bustling with people. Nuns and priests walked quietly, solemnly in prayerful meditation. Then out of the corner of eye someone waved toward me. That caused a sense of being and happiness filled me again. Walking over towards them, they just disappeared, as if they were never there. Then I realized the reason why no one responded to me was that I was not physical. I was traveling in some sort of spiritual cognito. Glancing around the crowds now I was able to see others like me. One can make them out due to their brightness and murky appearance. There were no exchanges between any of us, any acknowledgement appeared to be unnecessary; I think we were all on the same mission-to see more of Earth before departing. 
Out of nowhere the  Love  entered my soul and then she appeared.  Time to return  were her only words. Fear overcame me; she sensed this and comforted me through her intimacy. 
PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! It shot through me all at once and I felt my body for the first time in what seemed an eternity. I could not move, all over my body there are needles, tubes, cast, and my hands are tied down to the bedrails. Laying alone I listened to the monatomic   beep beep beep  of the heart rate monitor. After the isolation I felt someone finally reached out to me and said squeeze my hand. The first touch of another on my skin was electrifying. 
This was when the magic really started to take place for me. My life would never again be anything like I was used to or had even experienced in all my thirty years. Although, I do not know what my mission is, I feel that I am getting closer to fulfilling whatever it may be. 
Never before had I met that women, the being of light, nor have I ever felt that intensity of Love. Upon self-examination I still feel it in my heart and a warm glow envelopes my being. My eyes tear up and I want so desperately to feel that Love again. In my thoughts I know that I will not be able to find it on this planet. Still I look for it. 
After that experience, I was unable to describe this journey to anyone. To quote Spock from Star Trek 3,  It would be impossible, because you have no frame of reference,   to Dr. McCoy when asked about what it was like to dead. Delving into this experience, I could finally name it Near Death Experience (NDE). 
Researching into the NDE I had experienced, two main theories stand out in the academic world-the Afterlife theory, the Dying Brain theory. But first what constitutes an NDE? The NDE's experience one or more of the following things (www.iands.org/nde.html, November, 2001) 
  Feeling that the "self" has left the body and is hovering overhead. The person may later be able to describe who was where and what happened, sometimes in detail.  
  Moving through a dark space or tunnel. 
  Experiencing intensely powerful emotions, ranging from bliss to terror. 
  Encountering a light. It is usually described as golden or white, and as being magnetic and loving; occasionally it is perceived as a reflection of the fires of hell.  
  Receiving some variant of the message "It is not yet your time." 
  Meeting others: may be deceased loved ones, recognized from life or not; sacred beings; unidentified entities and/or "beings of light"; sometimes symbols from one's own or other religious traditions. 
  A life review, seeing and re-experiencing major and trivial events of one's life, sometimes from the perspective of the other people involved, and coming to some conclusion about the adequacy of that life and what changes are needed. 
  Having a sense of understanding everything, of knowing how the universe works.  
  Reaching a boundary-a cliff, fence, water, some kind of barrier that may not be crossed if one is to return to life. 
  In some cases, entering a city or library. 
  Rarely, receiving previously unknown information about one's life-i.e., adoption or hidden parentage, deceased siblings. 
  Decision to return may be voluntary or involuntary. If voluntary, usually associated with unfinished responsibilities. 
  Returning to the body 
Beginning with the first criteria: an out-of-body experience (OBE), certainly I had one of those, from above I watched with disbelief. Darkness engulfed my senses. Strong feelings of Love and acceptance washed over me. The  Being of Light  is yet another aspect confirming an NDE had taken place. There are more, but I am certain that one can see the parallels from my experience and the above criteria. Furthermore, I am a completely different person than I was before this incident. From this assessment one can conclude that in fact I did have a  classical NDE  and yes the experience was real whether it was paranormal or my brain dying is debatable. 
The paranormal explanation is a belief that most people want to believe. This belief states that in fact there is life after death and we, as humans, want to believe. The soul continues on after the physical body had deceased is comforting to us. We have been taught that there is a heaven and a hell, which depending on your behavior in this world you would pass on to for eternity or the alternate belief in reincarnation. That our soul is on a continuum ever evolving and learning from each life we have on this planet or others. The  Being of Light  fits into this theory as a sort of Guardian Angel and does not fit into any of the other theory one bit. This is what persuades me to accept this theory over the dying brain theory (Blackmore, 1993). 
The dying brain theory states that the brain is amassed with the combination of neurotransmitters and morphine, which induce certain hallucinations. The feeling of floating above the body has been described by users of opioids and would certainly fall into this category. The intense emotional feeling also can be derived from opioid use. The similarity between NDE's can be explained because of similar physiology in humans and that does not differ significantly across time or location. There are several unanswered questions under this theory: What about meeting one deceased close ones? Meeting a   Being of Light ? The feeling of not accomplishing something in one's life? The meeting of a barrier preventing one from crossing over? 
My final statement derives from my own experience I must be still dreaming this. 
Writing this has brought out from within emotions that I have tried to keep bottled up inside me, yet they come pouring out with a fury once released. Reading the book   Dying to Live , I am not alone in those feelings nor am I alone in not being able to put this behind me that seems to be a consequence of an NDE. Hopefully one day I will be able to discuss this without becoming choked up, but until then I am really unsure what to do with these feelings. This experiences has overshadowed ALL other experiences in my thirty-five years so much that I cannot put it aside. Some days are better than others and I still am moving forward, so I must be doing something right. 
List of References: 
Blackmore, Susan (1993). Dying to Live. Buffalo: Prometheus Books 
Unknown (November, 2001). The Near Death Experience. http://www.iandes.org/nde.html. November 25, 2001
 
Now since this I have been enrolled in college and am about to graduate with a Bachelors in Public Administration.  The battle has been hard fought with a couple of minor setbacks.
Namely a couple of surgeries (shunt replacement, hardware removal), and the added frustration of having a faulty memory.  But I have endured and overcame so much in the past seven years that the above seems so distant now.
How have others faced their ill-fated crisis?  Do you know of someone that has sustained a TBI and gone on to leading a fulfilling life?  (i.e., educated themselves beyond their prior selves)
Thank You for taking the time to read my story and I hope the best for all of us.
    Casey Jones